Friday, January 4, 2008

Oye Vey!!

Some days are better than others, I get that. But we're talking about WEEKS here. Eli has been somewhat miserable for most of his life, it seems. But the past two weeks have been really rough. We get a few moments off from the fussing here and there(about five minutes for every hour that he's awake), but for the majority of the time, he's fussing. He's had a cold and he's teething. I hate to take him to the doctor because every time I do they say, "Nope, ears are clear. He just has a cold. Give it time." Then again, I'm tempted to take him to the doctor and beg them to prescribe something for me! I think the worst part is how on edge the constant whining makes me feel. Luke gets sick of it, too. He gets wild and a little aggressive. He gets loud and rough, Eli cries more, I get really irritated and I end up taking it out on Luke. Granted, Luke has been a little more disobedient, too, but no amount of disobedience deserves my uncontrolled anger being directed at him.

Before children I never had a temper problem....amazing what kids can cause you to see deep inside your heart. Not only the lack of self-control, but the lack of trust. I'm afraid. And I play the what-if game. What if Eli is fussy and whiny until he goes to college. What if he has a difficult personality? What will the two's be like? What if I never truly get to enjoy him. Don't get me wrong, I love that child fiercly. He is my heart. I would not trade him for my life before him for all the world. But I just want more smiles. I want more happiness from him. I want him to enjoy being alive, for crying out loud! I feel like once he can walk he'll be happier. He hates being left behind and is happiest when he's being held by the hands to walk around. I just really, really, REALLY hope he learns to walk soon. And if that doesn't help....Oye Vey!!!

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