DNA Discussion

One day a couple of weeks ago we had one of Luke's friends over whose dad is six foot eight.  He's a big boy himself, probably about three inches taller than Luke, even though he's only two months older.  Luke wanted to know why having a tall dad made the kid so much taller than him.  I said, "It's his genes.  He has his parents' DNA just like you have your parents' DNA."

Why do I do this to myself?  I should have known he would not be satisfied with that and would want a more in depth answer.

Luke: "Yeah, but how do we get our parents' DNA?"
Me: "You were in my belly."
Luke (with a long suffering sigh): "I know about DNA, and I know how I got your DNA.  How did I get Dad's DNA?"
Me: "Umm...well...ummm...He kissed me?"
Luke: "Oh, okay."

And then he went back to playing, and I went back to breathing.

And the Punches Keep on Coming

I'm laying on the couch, sweetly snuggling with Eli while watching a movie, when he says, "Mama! My belly is hard and your belly is squishy!"

If you need me, I'll be at the nearest plastic surgeon's office restoring both my dignity and my post-baby body.

Flat Bumps

I'm always a little nervous about what Luke's teacher is going to say when I pick him up because it seems like Luke's inquisitive nature often leads to awkward conversations.  Last week he was trying to teach his teacher how to hula hoop.  When she wasn't successful around her waist he suggested she move it up higher.  She is not a small chested woman and simply said, "It won't work up higher for me."  Luke, who is never satisfied at a simple answer, persisted in asking why not, until his teacher finally said, "I'm too bumpy." Luke then proceeded to ask the other teacher if she was as bumpy as Miss Mandy.  Miss Keri, trying not to laugh, said, "Nooooo, no quite." 

He came home telling me about the bumps his teachers have on their ribs and how they couldn't hula hoop because of them.  I was absolutely floored that he didn't know that they were referring to their breasts, considering I nursed Judah for over a year....until I heard him talking to Kris about the whole situation later.  Kris asked him about teaching his teachers to hula hoop and their bumps, to which Luke replied, "Yeah, Mama has bumps too, but hers are flat bumps."

There's nothing to boost your self esteem like the honesty of your children.

Pretty Woman

I was getting dressed for church last week and asked Luke if he thought I looked pretty.  His response? 

"Mmmm...yeah, I guess.  Do you have any brighter lipstick?"

Should I assume it has anything to do with his really pretty, blonde teacher who wears red lipstick most days?

Who Says Men Aren't Observant?

A conversation with my boys after picking them up from school today...

Luke: So, Mama, where did that shirt come from?
Eli: Yeah, is it new?
Me: I've had it for a long time, I just don't wear it that much.  Do you like it?
Eli: Yeah!
Luke: Yeah, it looks like it would be perfect for Valentine's Day!

I felt like I had just been hanging out with my girl friends.  How funny!

Christmas Scramble

I finally got around to wrapping presents Monday night, so Tuesday morning the boys were really excited to see them under the tree.  Eli picked a present up and turned to me with wide, excited eyes, "Is this my humpback whale?!" 

Oh. No.

He really wants a humpback whale for Christmas.  My entire Tuesday morning was spent online frantically trying to find a stuffed humpback whale in a store somewhere in the vicinity.  No luck.  I spent Wednesday afternoon scouring two different malls and various stores.  No luck.  Apparently, dolphins and penguins are popular.  Humpback whales, not so much. 

So, Eli will not be getting his humpback whale for Christmas, but at least I know what he wants for his birthday. 

Luke's Birthday Request

Luke told me for his "number six birthday", on November 3rd, (in case I wasn't sure when his birthday was), he wanted a baby girl sister.  I told him that was sweet and to pick again.  Eli is probably more likely to get his humpback whale.

Wishing Big

Eli told me tonight with a deadpan face, "I want a humpback whale for my birsday."  Then he stuck his thumb back in his mouth and turned his big, blue, serious eyes on me, completely expecting a "Yes" out of me.

This is one of the millions of precious moments with my boys I absolutely never want to forget.

Quotable Quotes

Judah and Eli have had the crud, so Eli hasn't been able to go to school this week.  First off...man!  You get used to having just one child around a couple mornings a week pretty quickly.  Second off, poor Eli.  He loves school and hasn't been thrilled about missing.  This morning I checked his nose to see how it was looking.  It was still runny, so I said, "Bummer, your nose is still running."  Quickly grasping what that meant for his school status, he said, "They have tissues at my school, Mom."  Smart little three year old.

I wrote about Eli being a copy cat here.  It sometimes frustrates Luke.  Okay, it really frustrates Luke.  Like, to the point that he whispers what he wants for breakfast so Eli can't hear and copy it.  Last night he whispered in Kris' ear that he wanted a piece of candy after dinner.  Eli, with his super hero hearing, comes sprinting into the kitchen, "I want a piece of candy tooooooo!"  Luke threw his hands up in the air and said, "For goodness sake, Eli!"

My MOPS group will be filling boxes for Operation Christmas Child again this year.  Luke was filling out a questionnaire that goes in the box so the child who receives the box can correspond with him.  I was explaining to him that the box will go to a little boy or girl in another continent like Africa, Asia, Europe, etc. and then that child might write him a letter. To which he declared, "I want a pretty girl from Africa!  Because I like pretty girls a lot."

Another Lefty

I often forget just how much our children are learning brand new.  Every concept and idea is totally new to them.  Their way of seeing things makes me laugh!

Tonight Luke came to me and said, "Mama, I have some news for you."

Smiling, while trying to take him seriously because that was a new phrase for him, but he was obviously being very serious, "What news do you have for me?"

"I hurt my right foot.  It really hurts.  I can only use my left foot, so I'm going to have to be left-footed from now on."

Bedtime Woes

In spite of this title, I do want to start with this exciting (and somewhat pitiful) announcement:

For the first time since I got pregnant with Judah, I got in my bed last night at 10:30 p.m. and didn't get out of it until 6:00 a.m. I had forgotten how good that felt. I've fantasized about it for almost a year, and it was amazing.

The bedtime woes extend beyond having a newborn, unfortunately. When we went to Georgia for spring break, Eli started climbing out of the pack n' play. The sad part is that he neglected to leave this new trick at Grandma's, and now he is climbing out of his crib. (Yes, my almost three year old is still in a crib, and I am totally happy with that. It has saved my sanity in so many ways. You have no idea.) At midnight, 1:00 a.m., 5:00 a.m., 6:30 a.m., I have been awakened to two big, blinking blue eyeballs and the heavy breathing of a two year old who just trucked it across the house in the dark. This is, of course, in addition to the 4:00 a.m. booby call from Judah. Sigh.

We've been just putting him back in his bed while explaining to him so sweetly (which I have to say is a great accomplishment for me in the middle of the night because that is the worst period of time in my 24 hour day to ask me to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit) that he absolutely MUST stay in his bed. The frequency of awakenings has decreased every night, thankfully, so imagine my surprise two nights ago when I got up to go to the bathroom at 1:30 and tripped over Eli, sleeping on the floor at the foot of our bed. He knew if he woke us up we would just put him back in his bed, so he decided the next best thing would be to curl up on the carpet and sleep at our feet like a dog. Pitiful.

So, last night was wonderful. Judah slept until 6:00 and Eli stayed in his bed until 6:40. Next goal: teaching both of them to read when the clock says 7:00 a.m.

It Happened To Me

You know that section in your Parents magazine where moms tell stories about horrible things that happened to their children and how you should beware so the same thing doesn't happen to your child? I now have one of those stories.

Zhu Zhu Pets. When the sticker on them says, "Keep away from hair", it really means for you to keep them away from hair.

I was sitting in the van at Luke's school, about to go in and get him, when Eli starts screaming. I turn around, and it looks like the little hamster Grandma gave him last night is attacking his head. It's still making the animal noises and other random sounds it makes while it's eating Eli's hair! It has wheels on the bottom that, apparently, have traction on them, which can, if put on top of your head, stick to even the finest of baby hair and twist it into a nasty knot. Oh, and if this should happen to one of your children, the off button is on the top of the Zhu Zhu Pet, near its hind end. Would have been nice to know that before this little episode.

I had to holler for help at one of the moms passing by my van. (It wasn't hard to get her attention because she was already curiously looking in my direction since Eli was screaming bloody murder.) and ask her to go find some scissors to cut the beast out of Eli's hair and Oh, by the way, do you know how to cut the damn thing off?! (I was a little stressed.)

No one was permanently damaged. Eli wanted his "animal" back as soon as I got it off him. It will remain out of his reach for at least a little while. I made a new friend. (Did I mention I had never before spoken to the mom that helped me in my life, and I was too flustered to even be embarrassed.) All's well that ends well.

Just beware of Zhu Zhu Pets.

Luke's Suggestion

We are heading to Camilla this weekend so my daddy can meet Judah and Mama can see him for the first time since two days after he was born. Luke and I were discussing this earlier, and he said, "Mama, I have a GREAT idea!! Let's take Judah with us to Georgia so Grandma and Grandaddy can see him, too!"

I simply replied, "Great idea, Luke. I think we should definitely do that." Grandma and Grandaddy, as well as the Department of Family and Children's Services, would approve.

My Husband Is a Genius and My Baby Is Houdini

I think Judah hates Blogger. Every time I sit down to put something on my blog he starts wailing. Anyhow...

When it comes to our children, Kris has a knack/gift/divine talent, call it what you like, for observing and solving problems. While I keep doing the same thing over and over again, wondering why nothings changing, he'll watch and then make some passing remark about "Maybe you should try such and such." And nine times out of ten, he gets it right on the mark.

Judah has been doing fine at night, but sometimes he grunts and wiggles like he's uncomfortable, even though he's not really awake. It's loud enough that it keeps me awake, and it seems like he's not really sleeping well either. So, Kris says, "Maybe you should try feeding him just on one side. I think he seems satisfied after that and you're just waking him up when you try to feed him on the other side." I've learned that his suggestions are always worth trying, and as usual, he was right. Judah is much more restful at night now that I've started feeding him less. Imagine.

Judah has a talent, too. He does a disappearing act. I made a pallet for him at Kris' parents' house the other night and laid him down. I kept checking on him, and he was passed out with his mouth wide open. We ate dinner, cleaned up and played with the other boys a bit, and then I went to check on him again. He was not where I had left him, which surprised me a little bit, but being that Kris is well known for practical jokes, I wasn't concerned. Until I saw Judah laying on the carpet in Mrs. Bonnie's closet. I marched out to the room where Kris was, trying to laugh at the "funny joke" while I was really furious and said, "So you just laid him on the bare carpet?" He looked at me a little stunned and said, "What are you talking about? What happened?" I said, "You didn't move the baby?" At this point, he jumped up and we both went back into his parents' room where Judah was snuggled up next to Mrs. Bonnie's tennis shoe. He had scooted himself a foot to the left and three feet forward. Poor fella had carpet lint and some other, unidentifiable lints matted to his face and was breathing like he had just run a marathon. Needless to say, I felt like mom of the year. I learned an important lesson, though. I won't be laying Judah down on any beds unattended. Ever.

Gross Anatomy

My conversation with Luke this morning that literally went just like this....

Luke: So, Mama, I want you to show me how the baby gets out.
Mama: Ummm, well, ummm, Mama goes to the hospital and the doctor uses his special tricks to get the baby out.
Luke: What tricks? I want to see them.
Mama: Well, he has tools that he uses to help Mama get the baby out and then the baby comes home with me.
Luke: Hmm. Okay.

Then I wiped the sweat from my brow and A)was thankful that was the end of that conversation and B)vowed I would come up with better answers for future reference. I know that was pitiful on my part, but it totally caught me off guard. My boy is growing up...

He's All Boy

Sunday morning, Luke was snuggling in the bed between me and Kris before Eli woke up, just enjoying being together. I rubbed Luke's head and told him, "You have such nice hair." He said, "Uh, huh." Then he looked at me, poked me in the top of my chest (I suppose since I was laying on my side I actually had a wee little bit of cleavage.) and said, "I like this, this is nice."

Slightly stunned, I said to Kris, "He just told me he liked my boob."

Luke, giggling, said, "Boob, yeah." To which Kris replied, "That's my boy."

Now tell me they're not born that way.

A Little Roadside Assistance, Please

We were heading back home from meeting Kris at a park for lunch today when Luke said, "Mama, look what I did." I don't know about you, but that little phrase almost always strikes terror into my heart.

I turned around (We were at a stop light, thank God!) to see that he had a blue bead shoved neatly into each nostril. His nose was completely blocked, and he was trying to decide whether or not to stick his finger in there to dig them out. After hollering, "Don't touch!!", I wheeled the car to the side of the road, flung the car door open to assess the damage and come up with a rescue plan. I tried to just squeeze them out, but that wasn't quite enough. Thankfully, I had not cut my fingernails as planned and was able to use them to dig the beads out while squeezing the bridge of his nose to keep them from going further in. He alternated between giggling nervously and tearily saying, "No, no, Mama. Don't do that!" But I think he understood that letting me do surgery was better than the alternative.

All in all it was a good experience. The ER trip was averted and we gave a lovely roadside show. And Mama learned her lesson about beads.

Eli's Future Job

I told Eli to sit on the couch so I could take some pictures of him, so he posed for me. Apparently, he thought I was taking pictures for the Sports Illustrated, Swimsuit Edition.

The fact that I have WAY more pictures of Eli than Luke says nothing about favoritism and everything about the fact that Eli is a ham. Case in Point:

Because I'm a Genius, That's Why.

You know that part in the movie The Wedding Planner where Matthew Mcconaughey and Jennifer Lopez knock a nude statue over and the statue's *ahem* falls off and they have to super glue it back on? Remember how Mcconaughey's hand gets super glued to the unmentionable and JLo has to use fingernail polish remover to remove it? Well, I always thought that was just theatrics, that your hand could never really get superglued to something so completely that you couldn't just pull away.

Definitely not theatrics.

And you want to hear the best part? It wasn't just one hand. I glued BOTH of my thumbs to a picture frame that I was fixing. I thought I was going to have to dial the phone with my tongue to get help. However, I am way better without thumbs than I would have ever thought. I managed to get my manicure box from the top shelf of my closet, fish out the fingernail polish remover, open it (I did have to use my teeth for that), pour a little into the cap and (here comes the tricky part) use Q-tips to detatch myself from the picture frame. That too required my teeth. Thankfully, one of my thumbs was not completely glued down so it didn't take very long to get it unstuck. The other one took some work.

I believe I still have all my DNA intact. And my pride only suffered slightly since I didn't actually have to walk over to my neighbor's house with a picture frame attached to my thumbs.

To Add To the Humiliation

I am quickly approaching thirty but still have the occasional breakouts associated with "that time". My sweet child, being observant, as most three year olds are, but unfortunately, lacking the tact that most of us have acquired with age (READ, "This zit is big enough for anyone with eyes to notice across the room, but most people feel sorry enough for me not to mention it."), asks me:

"Mama, you got a booger on your nose?"

To which I replied, "No, I just have a boo-boo."

And, the natural response, "Oh, can I touch it?"

Sure, go ahead and touch Mama's booger. She needs a good laugh about right now.