Saturday, August 16, 2008

A New Occupation

Apparently, I missed my calling. I have a skill that I was completely unaware of. I have a knack for thievery. Surprising, I know. Since going from one child to two, I have stolen:

1) Two deli drinks from Publix,
2) A pack of peanut butter M&M's from Walgreens
and
3) A paint brush from Lowe's.

All three boys were with me at the time of the deli drink theft. We got to the checkout counter and two of the boys melted (No, Kris wasn't one of the ones crying, although I'm sure he, like I, felt like it.) I took Eli out to the car, along with the unpaid for drinks.

Sadly, I can't blame the M&M theft on having screaming children with me. I picked up a bag on the way back to the pharmacy to peacefully (aka "without children") eat my snack and read my book. By the time my prescription was ready, I had finished the M&M's and stuck the empty bag in my purse, thereby forgetting that I had ever picked them up in the first place.

The paint brush theft happened the day I lost my mind and thought I could take both children to Lowe's to pick out a paint color. So many things wrong with that. First, picking out paint colors is a completely painful experience for me. I'm believed by my mother and sister to be slightly color blind. Second, I skipped Eli's morning nap to run this errand, thereby begging for torture just by being in public with a sleep deprived fifteen month old.

So, there you have it. Who needs a college degree when you have sticky fingers like mine?

P.S. In regards to all of the above stolen merchandise, I have returned to the aforementioned stores to confess my sins and pay for the items.

12 comments:

Anna said...

I laughed out loud at this one this morning! Good way to start a Monday.

Christy Ward said...

This is hilarious!! I actually ran through Chic-fil-A drive thru last week and drove off without paying!!

KateVonGlahn said...

Thief! Thief!

Pajama Mama said...

My kids are 12, 9 and 5 and I don't dare take any of them to a building supply store...except maybe the oldest on occasion, when she's going to benefit from the trip!

Heather said...

that's so funny. I was babysitting for four kids one weekend and made the mistake of taking them to the store. I fortunately caught them putting candy in their pockets. Otherwise, I wouldve been the one brought in for police questioning I'm sure. I need to come for a visit soon, will you steal me something? Just kidding! you know if Bill was around, he'd be giving you grief for it! love ya!

Hannah Hoffmann said...

Thanks for sharing, Christy. That makes me feel better!

Heather, I would love for you to come visit, and if we take my children ANYWHERE, it is quite possible that you could come home with a treat that has not been paid for. We make a great diversion.

HaleyM said...

Shame, Shame, Shame!! I am like Anna, this one made me laugh out loud.

the wyatts said...

this is too funny...

ben and shauna said...

I mean, I know us moms are good, but we can't be perfect! We'll write a book one day about it all! Just keep telling your stories! It makes us feel as if we aren't the only ones out there!

Hilliard Family said...

You are too funny! At least you know you did it. I can't RECALL having done it, but that doesn't mean it hasn't ever happened! I am with you on picking our paint colors...

Anonymous said...

did you use the paint brush to paint your walls before returning it? that would have made you officially mob material. --cat

The Journey said...

This is hilarious!

I would have loved to see the explaining of this to the store managers! LOL!