Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Am I a Terrible Mother?

This morning when I started thinking about breakfast, I opened the refrigerator and pulled out what I wanted for myself. And I was tempted to close the door and walk away without getting anything for the kids. Does anyone else feel that way sometimes? Like you just want to think about yourself and forget that you have any other responsibilities. What smell? Crying baby? I don't hear any crying baby. What are you talking about? I don't have two small children who need EVERY single need taken care of by someone else. Namely, me.

Of course, hungry children are far more frightening than a mother bear robbed of her cubs, to steal a quote from Proverbs, so I fed my boys. Don't report me to DFACS, please. But some days are just like that.

Some days it's the house stuff I want to pretend doesn't exist. The ring around my toilet is merely a decorative touch. The layer of dust on the furniture? Luke's art easel. Who really needs clean clothes? They'll just get dirty again. Mopping the floors? Highly overrated. Of course, when you have enough food for the next meal stuck to the bottom of your socks after walking around in your kitchen, it's time for an intervention. There's only so much denial I can take.

I'm just saying, sometimes....I want to be selfish, I want to think about MEEEEEEE. (Said with an annoying whine.)

I love my life. Truly. No sarcasm. My boys. What else do I need to say? And those "moments" quickly disappear (some days more quickly than others). Even in those moments it only takes a small reminder of how blessed I am to be able to be the one who feeds them breakfast, changes all their poopy diapers, cleans up after them and provides a place of peace for them to learn to walk with God.

I wouldn't have it any other way.


Anonymous said...

i TOTALLY know how you feel...being a mom can be such a demanding job but so well worth it and so important.

KateVonGlahn said...

Girl - You know I am feeling you. Today I locked the door to my bedroom with the kids outside of it crying and screaming and I went and sat outside the other door leaving my bedroom to the yard. I almost couldn't hear their cries for a few minutes!