Silly, Sleepy Eli

He was trying to play it off once he realized I was videoing it, but he couldn't quite wake up all the way. So silly, this kid.

A Few Videos

In calmer, sweeter moments, this is what our house looks like...

And in the not so calm and sweet moments, we leave our house and let them burn off some steam. They're far more confident that I would like them to be.

Judah on His Bike!

We've known for a while that Judah was ready to take the training wheels off his bike. Because of his tendency to want to do everything "all out, as fast as he can", we've hesitated. Alas, the day has come, and he is so proud.

Cuteness Catch Up

I really do love having a blog, and my purpose for it is not just so friends and family can see what we're up to, though that is definitely a benefit. I want my kids to know that I am enjoying them. I want them to know that this time of raising them, while challenging, is exactly what I want to be doing with my days. I want to capture the moments so I can go back and remember just how much I loved being their mom and giving them my life.

That said, I need more hands, more hours in the day (and the night, for sure), more of me to do all the things I need and want to do. Especially blogging. It's important, but not imperative, and therefore, it's often pushed to the side. Which is why I've not updated. So, I'm going to give you a mobile photo overload (because pictures with a real camera takes more coordination that I have time for).

Book character day at school (Peter from Chronicles of Narnia)

When my kids want to help, I try to never say no (no matter how badly I want to). They're capable of so much more than even I realize.

 Can't tell you how rare this is that he would sit and pose.

Not as rare as this one sitting and posing. Eli, remember this when you're going through pictures and wondering why there are practically NONE of you.

Not sure about the fascination these boys have with wearing their sister's things, but we all get a kick out of it.

And putting her in their things.

 I think we're just fascinated with her in general.

These two seem to have a special bond.

This girl is loving her big girl food!

And she is this happy 95% of the time.

 And for those times when she's not... :) 

You First!

In Exodus 33 Moses tells God,"Please don't send me with these people if You're not coming too!"

I'm so there! God, I cannot do this thing. I cannot leave this chair, this quiet moment with You, to lead these children through this day if You're not coming too. I don't want to stay in this place of little sleep and even less time of silence and stillness, moments alone, but never do I see my need for You more than when I'm here. When my life is in the rhythm I like, I rock along and look up sometimes to say, "Oh yeah, I need You." But in times like these, I cling to my chair, my moments with You, willing them to last just a bit longer.

You must come too! Your Presence first! You lead me! I cannot put one foot in front of the other unless you go first!

The Sinners' Garden by William Sirls

When I read reviews for The Sinners' Garden by William Sirls, I was excited to see how many people said they were hooked in the prologue. When I started reading the book, I was too. Unfortunately, I got "unhooked" somewhere along the way and ended up skimming through the second half.

The story begins with Andy Kemp and his mother and the abuse they suffered at the hand of Andy's father. The result of the abuse are the scars that Andy wears on his face as well in his soul.

Andy's mother struggles to reconnect with her son, along with the help of her brother, Rip. Andy begins hearing messages through his broken iPod. A "Summer Santa" begins breaking in and leaving unexpected gifts. A garden of wildflowers appears suddenly. All these things in the summary drew me to choose this book to review and, initially, kept me interested. I can't put my finger on exactly why I lost interest. There were several mysteries in the story, but I guess I almost felt as though the author gave too many hints so that I had solved the mysteries well before the end of the book. The twists and turns weren't "twisty" enough to keep me on the edge of my seat.

I can't say this book wasn't good. It just wasn't great. I would probably pick up another book by William Sirls if it was sitting nearby, but I don't know that I would hunt it down.

This book was provided to me by Booksneeze in exchange for my honest opinion.

Caught Between

I feel like I need to start by saying I know I'm blessed. I'm not whining, though it might sound like it to some. I don't want to change a thing. Okay, maybe I would like to change a few things, but I'm ultimately content. But I'm also caught between.

I'm caught between, "The days are flying by!" and "Really? It's only 10 am?"
I'm caught between, "Someone else please start lactating so I can just go away for a day!" and "It's my baby! You can't have her!"
I'm caught between, "I am so privileged to stay home with my children!" and "I'm not mad at you. I'm just so jealous that you get to go to work today."
I'm caught between, "These are the best days of my life!" and "My life is passing me by."

I don't need a pep talk about how I'm doing the most important job in the world. I believe that wholeheartedly. I had a moment not long ago where I clearly heard God tell me that nursing my babies, in every sense of the word, was sacred and holy, and that Word forever did away with the, "Does what I'm doing matter?" questions. I'm just talking about "I want a coffee and a quiet car ride and an unrushed trip to the grocery store and a clean house for at least five minutes."

But the funny thing is, I don't want that. It's like there are two of me. I want my children in the car with me, even if half of them are crying and the other half are making crazy noises because all the crying makes them feel like they're coming out of their skin (I so get that, kids.) I want to know that they're waiting for me to get back, even when that means I've got the cart on two wheels, flying through the grocery store trying to get back before they've made a lunch out of marshmallows and chips. I want the noise and the chaos and the neediness, even when it makes me want to scream, "Everybody just calm the hell down!!!" One of me loves every single thing about my life. The other one of me wants to hide in the closet sometimes. Only, I know they'd just find me and think we were playing a fun game. And then I would sit there and cry and laugh at the same time. Caught between.