Judah

Judah,

My 100% child. Everything you do is 100%. Whatever it is, it's going to be 100% happy, 100% sad, 100% mad, 100% walking, running, jumping, laughing, hugging, kicking, messing up or cleaning up...you don't do life halfway. You are strong-willed. Blatantly so. Your brothers may be strong-willed, they're just a little quieter about it. But you, you let the world know that you know what you want.

Guess what.

I love that about you. I love that you are determined. I love that you feel so deeply and strongly. I love that you express yourself fully and openly. No hidden emotions and desires with you.

Judah, I owe you so much thanks. Thank you for not letting me control you. Thank you for shattering my illusions that I ever had control over any of you, my little treasures. Thank you for forcing me to find another way to parent. You have always questioned and pushed back and stomped on my demands. You have caused me to get on my knees in frustration and desperation before God, the very best parent ever, and cry out, "God! How do YOU do it?!"

My desperation has opened the door to His grace. It's His kindness that leads to repentance. Not His demands. Not His wrath. Not foot stomping, threatening, punishing. He's not so keen on those things. But only as you have required me to search for a better way have I seen that is not how He operates. He doesn't manipulate or guilt trip. He loves. He trusts. He is kind. He is not seeking His own way. He is desiring us to find the best way and choose it. When we don't, He continually calls out to us and draws us back to His heart. And when we do, He cheers us on and throws a feast.

I'm not perfect at His parenting style, Judah. I'm still figuring out what it looks like in this world. You know that better than anyone else. But you also do grace better than most. Whenever I fall back into thinking that if I stomp my size fives a little harder you'll obey, you show me it doesn't work, which reminds me obedience is not the end goal anyway. I'm not responsible for your behavior but your heart. And when I remember the truth and come back home to it, you welcome me with a grace-filled hug.

Thank you, my third baby bear.

Love,
Mom