Judah

Judah,

My 100% child. Everything you do is 100%. Whatever it is, it's going to be 100% happy, 100% sad, 100% mad, 100% walking, running, jumping, laughing, hugging, kicking, messing up or cleaning up...you don't do life halfway. You are strong-willed. Blatantly so. Your brothers may be strong-willed, they're just a little quieter about it. But you, you let the world know that you know what you want.

Guess what.

I love that about you. I love that you are determined. I love that you feel so deeply and strongly. I love that you express yourself fully and openly. No hidden emotions and desires with you.

Judah, I owe you so much thanks. Thank you for not letting me control you. Thank you for shattering my illusions that I ever had control over any of you, my little treasures. Thank you for forcing me to find another way to parent. You have always questioned and pushed back and stomped on my demands. You have caused me to get on my knees in frustration and desperation before God, the very best parent ever, and cry out, "God! How do YOU do it?!"

My desperation has opened the door to His grace. It's His kindness that leads to repentance. Not His demands. Not His wrath. Not foot stomping, threatening, punishing. He's not so keen on those things. But only as you have required me to search for a better way have I seen that is not how He operates. He doesn't manipulate or guilt trip. He loves. He trusts. He is kind. He is not seeking His own way. He is desiring us to find the best way and choose it. When we don't, He continually calls out to us and draws us back to His heart. And when we do, He cheers us on and throws a feast.

I'm not perfect at His parenting style, Judah. I'm still figuring out what it looks like in this world. You know that better than anyone else. But you also do grace better than most. Whenever I fall back into thinking that if I stomp my size fives a little harder you'll obey, you show me it doesn't work, which reminds me obedience is not the end goal anyway. I'm not responsible for your behavior but your heart. And when I remember the truth and come back home to it, you welcome me with a grace-filled hug.

Thank you, my third baby bear.

Love,
Mom

Bubbles

When you boys were little, I always had so much fun showing you new things.  You would get excited about everything, and it always made my day. With Susanna, it has been double the fun because I've had the pleasure of you boys' company as we together watch her discover her world.

Bubbles!

 Trying to blow like big brother, Luke

 This picture cracks me up every time I see it!

 So fun that her big brothers teach her new things.

Susanna loves a ride, and Eli loves to give it.

  (Rides are a lot more enjoyable now that the big brothers know to keep her toes up. Her toenails are finally growing out, too.)

Oh Christmas Tree

We talked Daddy into getting the tree out Tuesday night. I'm not sure if it's because you guys have never had a "real" tree, but it doesn't seem to bother you a bit that your tree comes from the attic. It certainly does not bother me that this is the tenth Christmas season this tree has graced our home. I love a good investment. Hah!

When you were little, every tractor, cow, ball, puppy, playground, etc. would elicit squeals of delight from you. These days it takes a little more to get those kinds of reaction. So, your excitement as we pulled out decorations made my heart full. 

I love how many of our decorations are homemade. Or, should I say, school made. 'Cause whatever other things your mama does well, crafting is not one of them. Your ornaments make me happy, nonetheless, especially the ones with your sweet faces on them.

 Luke, I know you don't find this amusing, but it never, ever fails to get a giggle out of me. I mean, which one of your teachers decided to use the picture of you with your finger in your nose? Now that's funny! I don't care who you are.

A Change In Focus

When I first began blogging, it was an outlet, a way to connect, a way to document "the moments", and it was just fun. We had a little blogging community, several of us moms with toddlers and preschoolers. I would write, knowing that my friends in the same stage of life would be writing and reading along with me. Our kids have gotten a little older, our lives a little busier, and blogging has tapered off. I miss it, that feeling of being connected with those not close enough to share a play date. I also know it is just the natural progression of life.

I feel I need to shift the focus of my blog slightly. Anyone reading along (anyone???) may not notice the difference. In my mind, my audience to this point, has been outward - those out there reading. These days, I find myself wanting to keep track of the memories of our days so my children will know how present I am for every moment of their lives. I'm in this thing, kids. I'm not wishing away your days. I'm feeling and enjoying and remembering and aching for this very moment. I'm here. One hundred percent of me. Do I some times lose my cool and act like it's all too much? Yep. Because, sometimes, it feels very much like too much. But that moment passes, and I'm back on track, and I'm right where I want to be more than anywhere else in the world.  I'm giving you all of me. I hope when you look back on your childhood you feel that completely.

But just in case you don't...I write. And it's for you, Luke. You, Eli. You, Judah. You, Susanna. When you've outgrown my lap, you can look back here and know that I counted every single one of your childhood days as my treasure.

When Daddy is Left to His Own Devices

One of Kris' main jobs in our house is keeping us in good humor. He can often be heard laughing at himself, making silly noises, making jokes to get a good laugh. He loves practical jokes, and we love him for it. He's almost always in a good mood, and if he ever finds himself in a bad mood, he'll do something to amuse himself and pull himself out of it.

Exhibit A 

(She looks suspiciously proud of her ensemble.)

 "Daddy did it!"

 I'm beginning to suspect Susanna got his sense of humor.

Pumpkin Patch 2014

I really am trying with every fiber of my being to capture memories and write them down. They're just happening so fast! I am proud to report, however, that we did make it for our annual pumpkin patch visit and picture session. The results:

Sweet little faces peaking through the background never gets old to me. I love it every. single. year.

These blue eyes also get me every single year.

Susanna loved every second of the pumpkin patch (that I wasn't trying to get her to be still for a picture). This gal is the belle of the ball wherever we go anyway. The tutu sent us over the top in adoration.

The best I could get of the three stooges. Luke seems to think rabbit ears are hilarious, no matter how many times we assure him they are not.

This kid and his lips. I wish it was possible to really show what they look like live. When he's telling a story, it's all I can do not to grab his little face and smush his lips with mine. Sometimes I fail to restrain myself.

Eli has taken to posing with his face propped on his hand, kind of like how girls pose with their hand on their hips. It suits his serious face...

...which is only for pictures. This is the real Eli.

A family photo. A real, everybody's looking (almost) family photo. Nothing short of a miracle, folks.

Belle of the ball, I tell you.

Let's All Be Brave by Annie Downs

When I saw Annie Downs' book Let's All Be Brave as one of my options for books to review on BookLook Bloggers, I was thrilled. I went to college with Annie and know her to authentic and funny. I expected her book to be the same, and I was not disappointed. What I did not expect was to weep through a large portion of the book.

I can't even say why, exactly, this book made me weep except that it hit me in my tender spot. You know, the place where God has already been poking and prodding. My "word" that God gave me at the beginning of this year was BRAVE. I have had, as we all do, many chances to practice being brave this year, but in reading this book I feel God's summons to me was taken to a new level.

Let's All Be Brave challenges and encourages, awakening old dreams while inspiring new ones, highlighting big acts of bravery while applauding small ones. Even in reviewing this, I feel myself shiver with anticipation for opportunities that I know are coming my way. Chances to say yes and dive into the unknown as well as the difficult known.

I definitely recommend Annie's book. Even if you don't read something in it you've never seen before, you will be reminded of many truths and opportunities you will want to grab hold of for the future.

I gave my opinion on this book in exchange for a free copy from BookLook Bloggers. My opinions are my own.