Parenting

I think often that parenting is not for the faint of heart.  It is, by far, the most difficult thing I have ever done.  The perfectionist part of me often gets frustrated with the feeling that if someone could come to my house, watch me parent and then give me constructive criticism I could "get it right" and my kids would have a perfect upbringing.  I know, ridiculous, but we all wish we could guarantee that we're not screwing up too bad and that our children will turn out well in spite of our daily, numerous mistakes.

One of the boys had an attitude recently that, quite frankly, broke my heart.  He acted ugly to another child with almost bully-like behavior, just because the child was younger and smaller than him.  It hurt me to see that was in his heart, mostly because I have vivid childhood memories of being the recipient of that type of behavior and even more vivid memories of the times I tried out that behavior myself.  As a result, I have a deep compassion for the underdog, the outcast, those on the fringe.  When I see someone being treated unkindly just because they're different, smaller, bigger or less somehow, I become furious.  So after I pulled my child aside and attempted to explain to him why his behavior was completely unacceptable and a repeat of it would most certainly result in attention to his backside, I sat and contemplated what I was doing wrong as a mother that my child would behave in such a manner.

When I was rehashing my despair with Kris later that night he said, "You're doing a good job.  You're doing exactly what he needs you to do.  What you're doing is giving him a conscience."  He had just that day heard on the radio where a guy was talking about how one of our jobs as parents is to help our children develop a conscience.

Most of you are probably reading this saying, "Duh", but it was really a revelation to me.  I know that my kids are learning everything brand new.  I guess it just never occurred to me that knowing right from wrong wasn't inherent.  Even Judah knows when he's doing something he's not supposed to.  But really, if I think about it, he only knows when it's something he's tried before and I've put the kibosh on.  Even the Bible says that we were given the law to know when we are doing wrong (Romans 3:20), and right now, for my children I am functioning as both the Word of God and His Holy Spirit.  When they receive Him for themselves, they will still need me to guide them and teach them, but they will have His Holy Spirit inside of them, convicting them of sin.

So I trust.  Seems like I finish a lot of posts with this declaration.  Parenting is not for the faint of heart!